1. |
The Holding On
02:47
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CYR: I’ve been living in the wilds for 20 years now
Hardly speaking to anyone
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How far did you stumble leaning on a ghost?
Now your eyes fix on the ceiling
Here comes a long lost feeling
Did drifting on turn from courage
To a wilder form of pleading?
Does the holding on keep you from healing?
Don’t ask why the time goes still
Don’t try to close the void wide open, child
I know you probably will
Make it last until
The old moonlight strikes your counter
Slides down your window sill
Grabs hold of the lines on your hand uncurled
With light from the craters of a different world
Where husks of days wasted
Lay where the tide receded
When holding on kept you from healing
I’m trying hard, my friend
You know I don’t like feeling this for you
Burn off your selfish ends
Take off that shell inside your shell
And start receiving
You are now grieving
You’re the sound of one heart beating
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2. |
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Well, there’s a voice out in the Southern Reach
Guiding me out past the violent screech
Saying my prayers, combing my hairs
Ooh wah ah ah ah ah ah
Now it’s a helluva feeling for sure
Trying to bootstrap the cosmic floor
I don’t know how long I can endure
But it helps to wonder
Why the lord gonna have us in here
But never show up to wring our fears
And now it’s getting peculiar
Down here how hard we hunger
It's a hard ride to feel so healed
Just to find out the game’s not real
When the night breaks the holy seal on the moonlight thunder
Where everything frightening is just a reflection
Old truth gets lost behind the moon
It leaves at dawn, but in the darkness
I recall it all
Now is the story of the Tightrope John
Snapped his finger in a Seismic song
Smiled as he fell, gravity, well,
Oh wa ah ah ah ah ah
Now his dying words haunt me today
Got to outlast the fiery grave
“Oh Mother, don’t ya go insane in the moonlight thunder.”
Yeah, I’m only really here for sure
Cause of a knocking upon my door
It started rapping like a demon from
An old regret now sundered
Now I ride along it every day
Even though there ain’t nowhere to stay
I just stand up and carry the weight till I feel it under
Where everything frightening is just a reflection
Old truth is lost behind the moon
It leaves at dawn, but in the darkness
I recall it all
It is known, about an hour before dawn
A mysterious voice pulls you toward the Southern Reach
So you stand up because you want to retrieve that haunted song
The moonlight thunder, drags your body out to sea
One dark night I’m gonna break and ride
Flow past the ripple of an eventide
Stroll into darkness free like a ball that’s thrown
On high, all alone
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3. |
Winds
04:29
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CYR: I parked my van
I just wanted to walk into the good quiet of nature
And enjoy the beauty, the serenity of the moment
About 50 yards off the road
I came upon this huge grandfather Elk that was just lying there
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I was already dying
There was nothing to see
When the winds came up
When the winds came up
I did what I was told to do:
Stare forward and run
When the winds came up
When the winds came up
And the glory of the nightmare
Written inside of an aurora borealis
Unwound from the casing of love
That came from your eyes
Like a century flood
When the winds came up
Broadcasted my station
No message returned
When the winds let up
When the winds let up
If you want, I could hold to you
If you ain’t already passed on
When the winds let up
When the winds let up
And the glory of the nightmare
Written inside of the day I buried Alice
Into the colored jetstream glove
At the end of flight
Under engine song
Oh the boredom!
When the winds let up
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CYR: I don’t know what you know about the dimensional shift, “The New Golden Age”
The antlers were a gift from the spirit of Elk
To give me strength and endurance
During the times that are coming on this planet
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In truth, I am scared to do
That which might change my heart
If the winds let up
If the winds let up
Always already dying
Never nothing to see
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4. |
Days on Earth
03:54
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Out on your own, cold eyes gazing out
Over silent, meaningless lines
Dreamlight someday rippling off my shoulders
Playing my song
Are you lonely?
Would you know if you weren’t?
These are the days we have on earth
Are you holding too tight, is it time you returned?
These are the days we have on earth
Dewy eyes only find ya when you stop hiding
From everything all the time under the gold light of dawn
Are you hungry?
Would you know if you weren’t?
These are the days we have on earth
Did the ones you adore
Pass over your worth?
These are the days we have on earth
Are those who love you
Drifting out from your shore?
These are the days we have on earth
Did you ever lie to keep from facing?
Would you ever die with truth inside
Just to carry it all the time?
Are you listening
Or is your mind too alert?
These are the days we have on earth
Did you travel the world
Barely touching the dirt?
Are you gonna grieve forever
Or is it others who will learn?
These are the days we have on earth
Gold light finally rippling off my shoulders
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5. |
Backwards in Time
04:06
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You were wiping warm tears on the street
Shielding your stereo away from the heat
I escaped Powhatan County alive
I was 17, you were nine
One day, I might believe what you saw
The night the fire ripped a hole through the wall
Ate the bedroom, ate Ma’s kindness, it ate our dog
Some days we’d lay in the cul-de-sac breeze
Hiding from chaos in the dinosaur tree
Wandering until we felt the worst was behind
While Father slowly disappeared from sight
One day, a friend goes down
Gravity pulls your people around
If there’s a weight you haul, but can’t carry
It’s okay to pass it around
Snuck out the funeral to stare at the stars
Send you a message that we’d make it this far
If I could throw my thoughts backwards in time
I would not show you the future is kind
Only gets faster each time around
Keep your head up, your feet on the ground
Back inside, the carpet pattern was you
Had the worst deja vu
In 20 years, nothing changed at all
Still have the cancer, still have the strip mall
Don’t have to wonder if the worst is behind
I’ll be 38 on the 4th of July
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6. |
Dumb Hope
04:34
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If ya got dumb hope at the beginning of your journey
If that’s you holding burning pieces of a funeral shroud
If you know that there’s no future, just a story biding time till found
I wanna show ya something now
If big man say he’s got your number but won’t take you under
And he bringing heavy weather, harder than when ya started out
That day you awoke facing your own shell, were you floating or lying on the ground?
Take a drive with me at dawn to peek at the fault line
To ease the wear upon our bloodline
To look at things we haven’t lost or found
When you stared into the doom through your teary, blurred eyes
And let the edges turn to shoreline
For a moment everything was whitewash and sound
Miles below us now
We are the ever-driving, never-arriving crowd
Hurried to a lonely outpost station, chasing ancient sound
We alone can see the glory of the nightmare lying on the ground
Is that the answer to the game just as sure as the tree grows?
Or maybe what the hell do we know?
Some folks say anything to break the silence down
I hold onto the doom ’cause you’re the one I must follow
And even if my hands were hollow
I’d still carry you through the wild shit I’ve found
Inches above the ground
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7. |
Long Distance Healing
03:59
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Willow, sing for me
With shaky fever, stranger than a
Long gone harmony
Pulled from the edges of old mankind
Tell me the story
About the morning I was born
Don’t leave anything out
That I could cling onto
Left under your weeping lace
My legs gave out underneath me
Right now, the effort it takes just to raise my head
Mother, it’s more than I have in a day
Willow, scream for me
Open your wings wider than the sun
I’ve forgotten to fear the fire I was forged from
Wildflower pillow
Come see how weak I’ve become
Bring warmth to the cold moving shiver across my spine
Oh on the the way to your dream embrace
My eyes start to deceive me
I pray to the faces in your floating leaves:
Show me what future remains
Daylight is breaking
Hear the bells’ chaotic ring
There’s a gun on my hip
I must be dreaming, I smile
Are you right here with me?
Is that your whisper in my skull?
The farther it came calmed the horror of changes in time
Go, I’ve already seen my fate bent through the light of your branches
Until my body releases and I drift away, I’ll cling to your canopy still
Into your canopy still
I cling to your canopy
“Old weeping willow, got cut down years ago
I would show you the way there, but the path is overgrown
That old weeping willow got cut down years ago!
I don’t know, but that thing you found might guide us home.”
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8. |
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Shoulder blade, I land upon
Shuffle my old body back to golden dawn
Lights off, lights on
Turn the page, fill the glass
A rainy day that’s traveling slower than the past
I’ve drowned too fast
Let’s float upon this golden age, our last
I dreamt the ghost of Harry
Entered my room in a fog
Opened his paternal, withered hand,
Whispered, “When you awake you will be alone at sea
Hands blackened by the frozen wind, at the bow of a clipper, crying.”
I rocked for hours in bed
Until the warning of late morning light
I lit a smoke off of the range
Opened the garden door and spoke your name
“We’re not dreaming anymore.”
I ate one egg and walked into the forest
It was a spring day
High sun had dried wet leaves on the path
When I approached the hole in the ancient sycamore
Where I often sat in my torment
I noticed there was a door, clasped shut
The hinges were made of wrought iron
And in the center was a painting of a sailing ship
My hand felt a pain
I lit a smoke and something strange
Opened the wooden door and spoke my name
“You’re not living anymore.”
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CYR: Whenever I’m in trouble, this really helps
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9. |
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Birthing my own life story
I rock the cradle that I’m laying inside
Aging and dying in ¾ time twice now
While I wait to see the spool unwind
I’ll kick the beehive one last time
When heaven was sold out I set a course for the mothlight
Followed a thread through the airlock valve
Opened the door and let the gravity out
Been kissing the window, inside looking out
Were you hoping for a stranger kind
Not just one with problems falling in line?
Straighten me out and I’ll still attract toward the mothlight
My, how the years pass over my eyes so soon
Winter’s looming darkness in afternoon
One day, I will feel that haunted love
Open the coffin that rose in the flood
Float on a ship made of loose ends left undone
Tethered our lives to a story
Tied off an ending to a June bug flying
When ours is over we’ll fly on up toward the mothlight
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10. |
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CYR: Why don’t I heal myself?
Why do I still have the pain if I’m such a healer?
I can’t answer that
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Burned the old world
Cursed its nightmare
Stole away right when day began
Killed the ghost behind ya
A wild-eyed moment glowed bright within ya
Thought you were dying
Picked an empire
Traced the outline with stolen pen
Hung it high upon your wall
Drank up the praise
Threw it onto your cinders
Black mirror in your palm
Guides you home
Where your reflection falls
Your shadow grows
Begging
Do something good while you can
Quit trying to force your hand
How are your dreams?
Were they Just plans?
Do something good while you
Reason only
Burrow tightly
Gather more than you need to live
Your hard-earned fortune
Was just a long walk in gold boots you were given
On the new world
When I find you
Blank eyes smiling in the wind
Have you done anything good
Winding this old mark you keep tracing?
Black mirror in your palm
Guides you home
Where your reflection falls
Your shadow grows
Looming towards old wisdom you have known
Do something good while you can
While there’s still light
Walk home again
Make sure your dreams
Aren’t just plans
Do something good while you can
While you can
Do something good while you can
Do something good while you can
Do something good while you can
Do something good while you can
Do something good while you can
Do something good while you can
Do something good while you can
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CYR: I’m real curious if I’m going to make it to the next level
Which is fine with me, I just don’t know
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Skyway Man Oakland, California
"I've been living the wilds for 20 years now, hardly speaking to anyone." - Dr. James Oliver CYR, 2011
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